This marriage sometimes seems like a dark winter that will never end, like the Queen of Narnia's rule over the snow-filled land full of terror and spiritual darkness.
Our family went on a fun-filled vacation this past week. Except that my husband came down with pneumonia and spent a few days crashed out in our hotel room alone. I wish I could say it was all roses after that, and in some ways, it was. We had a blast at NASA Space Center in Houston as well as with some wonderful friends and their children, who became fast friends with our children. The quietness of a small town smack dab in the middle of Louisiana was refreshing as well. The girls got to see their Nana and Papa; Hannah and I spent time walking down a long, quiet road picking wildflowers and her talking up a storm. I even spent time swinging on a porch swing, watching the hummingbirds come to feed as I took in God's beautiful creation.
It's a stark contrast to the pain that wounds my heart right now. The Bible is true. Hope deferred makes the heart weary. That has to be what I'm feeling. Hope deferred. Love deferred. I just want to stand before you God and have you be proud of me for how I've treated your son, my husband, despite how he's treated me. I'm trying, God. Oh, how I'm trying to not react in the flesh. I can't be the gardener for this marriage and keep watering it much longer all by myself.